Bookworm

I think I have completely lost my mind.
I made appointments for this weekend and this coming Monday with some of my tutors at the uni to take exams in advance. As some of the exams would be held at the end of January, exactly when I am in Sweden for a seminar.

So I took days off for today and Monday and I study study and study as a madman.
These are going to be two very difficult exams, one is about the Buddhist philosophy and the other one is about religious ethnology. The first one is not so difficult but includes a huge material, the latter one is not so huge but is very difficult.

So now I am uploading some of the mp3-s recorded during the lectures, so that my coursemates can listen to them and prepare for their exams for January. Then I go to the National Szechenyi Library which is the biggest library of Hungary - everything that was ever published in the country can be found there. I try to study there and collect material for my home assignments.

Huh, time is flying by very fast - it is time for me to prepare and leave.
I'll let you know about the exam results.
Stay tuned...

Veni, Veni Emanuel!

I've been coding a lot today - my brain is completely burnt out.
So as a relief, I was listening to some choir music.

Veni, Veni Emanuel! - by the choir of the Saint Stephen Basilica. This is one of my all-time favorites, both to listen to and to sing :-)

Enjoy...

a looooong day

I had a very hard day today.
There was the annual Santa Claus party in CEU and I took a day off to help mom today at the uni selling silver jewels which she is a reseller of.

Despite the holiday, I still had to do some very urgent work so I decided to go to my office before meeting her at the uni, so I arrived to the office at 7.30. I should not have done so. There was a server breakdown and nonne was able to log in the network until almost 10 am. So I basically woke up early and came in from outside of Budapest for nothing. So I turned on the radio and cleaned the office.

Mom arrived at 11 am so we went to the main hall of the uni and put out all the silver on a table.
At 3 pm I joined the CEU choir for a last rehearsal as we had Christmas performance at 3.30 in the main hall. The place had great acoustics so the performance went very well despite the very few rehearsals that we managed to do.
After the performance (which was very successful) one of the choir members invited me to join the choir of the St Stephen Basilica (one Hungary's 2 greatest and most famous churches).
I would love to do that but it turned out that the rehearsals are on Wednesdays when I hold trainings. So unfortunately it will not work :(
Which is a pitty because I love singing (and I think I can sing quite well; btw, I am a soprano - yeah, despite my deep everyday tone).

After the performance I went back to the jewel desk and stayed there until 5, when we packed up everything, mom went home and I went for training in Istvan's dojo.
I was dead-tired by that time but I really wanted to make it because I could not go to his trainings in the past 2 weeks due to writing my home assignments. (I already submitted two of them so now I start the another one about the customs of covering women by the rules of the Islam.)

I was thinking of writing about the guys who train with me but I am so terribly tired now that I rather go to bed and let myself faint into the Bardo of the dreams.

Good night, laterz...

Alone

Family is gone for the weekend to Tar, for a Buddhist retreat - whew, what a relief, I am alone home.
I am quite a lone wolf sometimes, I need solitude and privacy very much. I miss Csabi a bit, but I cannot deny that feel quite good now. Especially with this glass of semi-sweet wine here :-) I however did not have too much of rest until now.
I have just sent one of the assignments to my prof and I am supposed to send the next one on Monday the latest - I realized that the deadline is not Wednesday but Monday. !%+"+%/

Friday I took a day off as we got some new furniture from parents-in-law and I had to help bringing it home and installing in our room. After then they immediately left so I had to sort out the old and unused stuff and make sure they land in the waste bin. I am pretty good at throwing useless things out - even if those are memories from others.
I don't want my place to look like a museum :-)

So I got rid of two huge plastic bags of female cloths and a big box of jewels that I have not used since quite a while ago. I give the clothes and the jewels to the homeless and poor.
I finished making some order only today, so in the afternoon I cleaned up the whole apartment and now it feels good to stay in a clean and tidy place.
After then I quickly run over to the confectionery in the neighbour street where a few days ago I ordered a huge cherry-yoghurt cake for my mom. Tomorrow I go and visit her - today she is 55 years old.
So tomorrow early morning I leave again with 2 kgs of bean, 1 kg of walnut and a huge smoked trotters in my backpack - she loves bean soup with this smoked meat.
I will have the cake with me too and will greet her. I am not going to stay long as I have to get back home before 4 p.m. Csabi is expected to return at that time so I need to cook some dinner for him.

Also, thanks to this huge cleaning - sorting project that I did all day today and yesterday, I was not able to work on my other assignment about the Kashrut, so now I go and start compiling it. Tomorrow hopefully I can complete it and can send it on Monday, if everything goes well.
Then I will feel more relieved and hopefully I can finally respond to some emails which have been waiting in my mailbox so patiently for about 2 weeks now... Shame on me ...
Mark-knight, please bear with a lil' more patience, email is going to you as soon as I finish with this terrible assignment... (and send me your up to date snail-mail address ;-) )

B4 I forget: This week I managed to go to the only one Panasonic service shop in Budapest that has USB cable which is compatible with my digital camera. I forgot mine in the Tenshiyama apartment in Japan :-( I was thinking for a while whether or not I should ask the SlumLord to find it and send it to me, or if it was easier for everyone if I went and bought another one. I decided by the latter one. Who knows when the SlumLord would be able to make it :-))
So now finally I managed to get the pics that I took this year in Japan.
As soon as I finish with this second assignment I will put them on the blog, so patience, my dear fellows...

Kung-fu master, you are on two of them, I will send them to you soon :-)) Btw, I hope you got my greeting card ;-) Congrats, Old Goat! ;-)

Snowing...

I have been pretty much under the snow recently...
The deadline for submitting two of my home assignments is mercilessly approaching - it is December 5. And I am ready only with one so far - with the religious art history one. I still have to compile the other one about the Kosher rules of Jewish traditions and collecting the raw material is the hardest part of the whole thing because of the lack of time. Anyway, this or that way, but I will make it.

It turned out that my exams at the end of the semester will be exactly on the weekend when Sheila will hold a seminar at Thomas' dojo in Sweden. And which I was going to attend. No problem. I am going to attend it for sure. I talked to some of my profs and they agreed that I take the exams earlier so that I can go to the seminar.

Probably Csabi comes with me - btw, he returned to BBT, it seems :-) He had quit training more than 10 years ago but now he wants to do it again - purely for the recreational side of it. He tried to return to the MA world via aikido and later on wia taichi, but after a certain point both these required getting involved in the spiritual side of the given art. And Csabi already has his own path - the Dharma. So he wants to practice something which helps him keeping his body fresh and healthy but without being forced into putting on another spiritual paths. We will see for how long he will be able to preserve this attitude. I mean, after a while you recognize that you get so deeply involved in it, head over heels, that it infiltrates your everyday life, your decisions, the way you treat others, the way you treat yourself and just the way you exist in your environment will be affected by this "Art". So I am curious :-)

Btw, my group still keeps going :-) hehe unbelievable :-) There are not so many guys in there but at least I can pay a lot more attention to each of them. Sometimes there are 6-7, sometimes 2-3, so it is quite a quiet group. There are two tall guys in the group one of whom is pretty strong, which I am glad for, because working on him is a challenge for me too. When I show them a technique I show it on each of them so that they feel how it feels, how it works, and it is good for me too, because I can polish my movements according to the different bodies.

So far they have been "introduced to" the gogyo, sabaki, kamae no kata and some omote and ura gyaku versions. I can say that they are doing pretty well (imvho).
Our only two concerns are: 1) the floor is extremely slippery as we train in a classroom where the floor is an old wooden one and no matter whether if you wear socks or shoes or jika tabi or if you are barefoot - you simply cannot move from a deep ichimonji without slipping away. I want to make sure they learn a low ichimonji as a start because they tend to forget about it during the techniques. But it is a challenge for me too on that floor, you need to hold your feet quite steady and it requires a lot of hipwork to not let your feet slip apart. Not to mention moving from it. So it is not easy.

The other prob is that we do not have tatami or such, so ukemi is a real pain in the ass for them - literally speaking.
A few weeks ago I saw a huge pile of tatami mats in one of the classrooms and managed to find out that it belogns to an aikido group who trains there every other day. I talked to their instructor to ask whether we could be allowed to use the tatami and if yes, what did he want in return. He told me to join his next training, and by that time he will find out the answer. OK. I showed up, joined them. Finally he proposed such a price (he said it was a friendly one) that I said "OK, let's return to it in January-February if I will have more people". I am simply not able to product this amount of money from the group and I do not want the guys to pay more - it would be too much for them.

So yesterday we started to study the ukemi. Boy they have been suffering like hell with their pointy hipbones and knees :-)
I try to show them some fun techniques which can lead them to catch what the proper movement during ukemi is like. One thing is sure - if they learn to roll properly here, they will be able to roll properly almost everywhere :-)

So now I am busy with writing my essays and trying to complete all of them within the deadline so I am not really able to go to Istvan's trainings this month. Probably December will be the same... :-( Shame :-(

Summary of a busy life

It's been since quite a while ago when I could l last time update my blog. My life took a pretty busy turn, yeah even busier than it's been before.

College

School takes a great amount of my free time - with making all the reading material and mp3's available online ('cos we record all lectures and seminars in the college and share it online among ourselves so that we can prepare for the exams by listening to the lectures again).
In addition, 7 (seven) assignments are due by the beginning of December which is pretty much a challenge considering that I spend 11-12 hours a day with work and commuting. So there is not too much time for collecting data from the net or even to read books. Luckilly all of them can be about some freely chosen topic. 3 assignments should be handed in for Religious Art History - probably I'll write one about the representation of the Bodhisattvas on Tibetan style paintings, one will be about introducing the Tibetan religious instruments, and dunno yet what the third one will be about. 3 assignments should be for Religious History - one about Jewish traditions, one about the Islam (we have not even discussed this subject yet), and the third one must be about either of these two. I think my topic regarding the Islam will be about the regulations of covering the muslim women, and I need to find two more topics for the other two. And the last assignment must be about the Religious History of India, so I chose introducing some of the Hindu Goddesses. I luckilly do not have to write assignment for the Pali Kanon course, as I volunteered to analyze one of the ancient sutras - the longest one, which describes the Buddha's passing away to the Parinirvana. I made it last week and at the end the prof said he cannot add anything to my analysis as it was so perfect :-) hehe - what a luck now, too, that I am quite familiar with the Buddhist teachings :-) hehe

All in all I pretty much enjoy this college, maybe because my everyday life is completely full of what they teach. I see some of my classmates striving a lot to try to understand and memorize what we learn and then I realize how lucky I am being someone who follows the traditional stream of Tibetan Buddhism. Things that are so natural for me, that are naturally part of my life are not so evident for others.


Training

Many things happened in the past one month.
The first Hungarian Buyukai was held on October 21-22 in Debrecen, which is my hometown. I was invited as a co-instructor with the host of the Buyukai in Debrecen, with my ex-instructor and with the guy I currently train at in Budapest, and with a fifth guy from Salgotarjan (another city in Hungary).
Normally I think I would have been hesitant to accept such an invitation from any Hungarian dojos but since it was my old-old dojo (which practically I funded with my very first instructor about 16 years ago) andmy alltime friends from there, of course I could not say "no". Would you say "no" if your friends in Budo would ask you "please share your views with us".
It was especially interesting to "teach" together with my ex-instructor (with whom btw I am still in a very good relationship, I can say). Also, I am planning to approach him and ask ifwe could meet sometimes and he would teach me or practice with me.

Anyway, this weekend we went through some basics as well as studying some KSDR katas. I started both days with some extra ukemi practice, delicacies which I've brought from Japan, and I was glad to see that I could make it a challenge even for my co-teaching Buyus :)
Then we hopped over to some basics, Gogyo no Kata and Goho no Kata on the first day. I showed a "plain" version of each and then the others threw in their own perception.
On the second day we took some techniques from the KSDR ryu's shoden, chuden and okuden levels and started some kind of physical "brainstorming" over those :)
I personally enjoyed this seminar very much and have learnt a lot from the other four guys. I think it was a big challenge for the five "instructors" because all the five of us represented a completely different approach, point of view and style (given that all of us belong to a different shihan with different styles of movement - ok, at the moment I'm on kind of a halfway to belong to someone).
So it was a challenege for us to accept the other's method, other approaches and to try to find the common points instead of seeing the differences.
All in all, the seminar was a great success, at least it seems so by hearing about the feedbacks. I hope it will be repeated next year. If you want to see the photos, CLICK HERE.


Another news regarding the training is that now a group started up in the College where I study at.
There were a few guys who were interested in training so I've set up a group. We made a demo in the College with Istvan's group to see if there are others as well and now it seems that a small group started trainig.
I hold the trainings on Mondays and Wednesdays right after work - in most of the Budapest dojos there is no training on these days, so those for whom the Tuesdays Thursdays are not good can come to me if they want to train.
I have put the group on a probation period until about January. If the "survive" and endure, I will keep the group and we will start officially as a dojo - until then they can decide what they want :)
Beside holding trainings I still go to Istvan once a week to learn. I think it is not healthy for me to only pass on what I currently now - I have to continuously extend and polish my knowledge as much as possible.
Also, if I want to grow into the level where I am supposed to be, I need to learn how to pass on what I know. So I take it as an opportunity to approach my own training from another direction as well.


Work

And YESSS!!! I am off from the Computer Center! :) Although I feel a bit down because of this - I've been working there for almost 10 years and I've grown to my boss pretty much. Despite his emotional personality he has been the best boss I have ever had, and he always helped me when I needed help in my private life.
It will be worse without him but it will definitely be less hectic too.
Recently I have had such a stressfull life at work because of working for two units in 4-4 hours, that I could never complete my tasks at either places and had to do a lot of overtime from home.
Now I am hoping to work in a less stressfull environment, so hopefully it is for the better.
I've sent around a "farewell" email in the uni saying that I am not leaving the uni just relocating to another unit, but it's been nice to work with everyone, badabadaba....
I was very surprised when I started receiving dosens of emails wishing me best of luck and saying how much they feel sorry over my leaving. Even a lot of students visited me in my office saying goodbye and thanking me everything (they said so - I did not think I've done anything extraordinary..., anyway). So at the end I was the most surprised. Especially when the Biggest Boss (the former Minister of Finance of Hungary) sent me an email with compliments and best wishes, etc... WOW! I was amazed! I did not think they even knew my name, at least they did not express it on any way (especially not with financial methods :)) hehe ), and now... wow!

So hopefully now my life will start taking a less hectic path...
Or maybe I am wrong again... :) hehe

All sortsa...

Yeah, I know, I know.

But it's been extremely busy here since I've returned from Japan. I have been working as a mad(wo)man.

I could not update the blog in Japan either because it was such a spinning there, and arriving back to the guesthouse late at nights did not leave too much free time in my hands to update the blog.

After I returned from Japan the academic year started here at the Uni where I work, which means that I worked like hell like 10 hours each day, with hardly enough time to have lunch at noon.
And this all happened because I have too positions here, in 4-4 hours (officially) for both. I never had enough time to complete my tasks in either positions so I got fed up with it and finally resigned from my old position and requested to be put over in full time to the another unit, as the "webmistress" of the Summer University.
Finally this one went through and got approved by the management so as of November 1 I am in the SUN in full time. YAY!!! Which means that by that date I will have 9 years and 9 months :-] behind me at the first unit (the computer center).

Also, I started the college which means that I have to go to classes every other weekend, on Saturday and Sunday between 8.00 - 20.00 both days. The classes last for an hour and a half and there are 10-15 minutes breaks between them. A bit hectic schedule but still far more manageable beside a full time position than going to school on weekdays twice a week.
Being a student of the Comparative Religious History and Philosophy stream, I am exposed to heaps of reading materials, but so far I like them, they seem to be interesting (to me).


Training goes normally, but new things are on the horizon...
The student life officer at the uni where I work asked me if we could make a demo for the new students during the Welcome Party. I sad "why not", so we did the demo two weeks ago. There were not so many people because there was some council meeting at the same time but it was very good - at least that's what I've heard back after the demo. Afterwards many of the students approached us saying that they would like to join the training. So I offered them to come to the dojo where I train at. Hopefully next week I can take them there. But already now it seems that there may be problems with the students' individual schedules, so the student life officer is trying to find a solution to arrange training inhouse somehow. If they find something probably we will have to solve the training here... but first I will see how many people can make it to the original dojo in Buda.

Some other people also approached me during the past one-two years saying that they would like to train with me but the timing or the location of the Buda dojo is not good for them, and for some reason they don't want to go to the another dojos in Budapest. So I am thinking about collecting these people and start practicing together somewhere. I asked the college where I study at whether or not they could provide us with a room to practice in. I am waiting for their response at the moment.
I am getting the goose flesh from the thought of having a group but it is coming up more and more often from different directions, and besides, some extra training would be very good for me too. Twice a week is just not enough for me.

In August one of the Japanese shihans (whose opinion I always greatly valued) told me that it is maybe about time to take a next step and "stand up". He said I should have more confidence in myself and start with a club. He said I can wait until I get "good or mature enough" for starting a group, but that will never come. "We started the same way" he said. I don't know. For now I will just try to squeeze in one or two more sessions a week maybe at my college, so these people (mainly girls) and me can train together and that's all. We'll see if it will evolve in the future or "runs dry".

I write more later, about the trip, and about the great seminar we had here two weeks ago with Pedro... but now I gotta run back to work...

Arrived to Japan

Yesterday we arrived to Japan. The flight was very smooth and pleasant despite its length. We flew from Budapest to Vienna and from Vienna to Tokyo, both flights with Austrian Airlines. I have already been flying with them like 5-6 years ago when I was in Nepal and Tibet and they were very good.
Needless to say I was dead scared again, but luckily Peter and a good tranquilizer could calm me down. I also tried to get over it with less tranquilizer than last year - I need to take back the control over my fear of flying.

Anyway, as I expected - humidity again. I found the way easily to Abiko and we took the right trains more or less without asking anyone, so I was very proud of myself this time.
Arriving to the guesthouse I did not find the key anywhere. So Peter stayed there with the packs and I went to call the Slumlord to ask how to enter the building without having to break in ... this time he gave me a more detailed description of where they key was hidden so I walked back and found it there. I was VERY impressed to see what a nice order and cleanness was in the whole apartment. It did not look quite the same as it was when I arrived a year ago - two guys were already living in there so NOW I saw the difference, hehe.

After having a nice shower and unpacking everything we went to make phone calls to home to calm down Peters wife who has been very nervous about the flights and such. I also made a quick call and after then we went to hunt for food. Did some shopping in ESPA and then went back to the apartment. After an hour of rest we left for the evening training with Og. sensei in Hombu. Probably because of not being able to sleep for more then 30 hours by that time we were completely burnt out and down so we did not catch too much of the things he tried to show to us. Hopefully today it will be better with H. Sensei
It was a nice surprise to meet some of the guys who has been here last year in the same time too, especially some French and German guys. We talked a bit before training and they asked me whether I knew about that everyone knows about me and "my case". I was a bit puzzled to learn about this - it was not calming at all. Anyway, I guess I will have to live with it from now on.
After training Peter and me went to have a dinner at Seizaria - as I expected, he liked the place very much so it looks like it will be our lunch-place for a while.

We still did not manage to meet His Majesty the Slumlord, because we came home last night when he was already asleep and he left for work before we woke up this morning. It would be nice to say hello and squeeze him a bit, and also to arrange the apartment rental fee and such. I really do not want to always carry this much amount of money with me.

We are looking forward to another hot day here. This morning we got waken up by a terrible noise - there are some reconstruction works on the apartment - they are cleaning and/or painting it outside with some noisy machine. I hope they will finish it in 1-2 days.
Now we go to ESPA for another shopping, things that we forgot yesterday. Today training will be in the evening only anyway, so we have one more day to rest today.

Stay tuned...

Over SUN, over the ocean

Preamble

Probably you saw the videos in the right frame. Not so nice movies - they mercilessly make you face the reality. I am not a fan of ostrich-politics when it comes to animals, in the same time I know that people usually have a hard time with confrontations like this, like seeing such movies. So I put there a warning. But if you are brave and strong enough, you can have a look and see what is happening around us. It is terrible. I am putting these up because I want to call the attention to what humans(???) do to our animal-brothers, who cannot speak and cannot defend themselves, who cannot express their pain and fear. Protect the animals, our helpless little brothers and sisters, and contribute to their protection by not wanting their fur out of mere fashion!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Summer Uni has finished last Friday. It is somewhat hard to believe - this one was a bit more tough than the previous years', probably because we had to deal with some new things, with a lot of courses with very prominent lecturers (like e.g. George Soros).
I have more than two months of continuous overtime and "work-likea-dog" period behind me, but the payment I got for all the extra work makes it easier to loosen up after this hectic period. The money I got is just exactly enough to cover the expenses of my trip to Japan, with the accommodation fee included. I had a little worry over not being able to pay the full fee but now it seems that luckily I will be just fine.

The trip is almost here, we are leaving this coming Sunday, but suddenly one more guy canceled his travel. Albert has been preparing for the trip enthusiastically for almost a year and now his boss said that they signed some important contract so he cannot allow Albert to go on holidays. In spite of his previous approval - as he knew about and approved Albert's holidays since the first time he heard about it. I dunno, but is it proper to call him d...head now? Anyway, I told Albert not to worry too much, he can still go later alone or with somebody else, and tried to comfort him with the thought of we can never know why this unexpected turn was meant to occur. I told him about His Holiness' words: "Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck."
So now Peter and I will go. Two of us remained from the initial seven :-)

I still need to go and change money tomorrow, insurance is already done. And I also need to go and see the doctor to ask for some strong tranquilizer. I know it's laughable for most of you but I am so very much scared of flying that it is simply crazy! And the more I fly the worse it is. It is supposed to work the other way around! Even today I came home with a terrible cramp in my stomach because the Sunday travel came to my mind - lunch almost came back. And it is just Monday - what will happen by Sunday?? I badly need those pills to knock myself out on the plane.
Please, please send me good and supporting thoughts!!!

I'm so hot!

Oh, yes, I am, indeed! What? You say I was overconfident? :-) well, I know that sometimes I tend to be like that but this time I meant it the right way. We are sweating like a horse, it is so hot here. This weather is completely abnormal, this past week it was over 40 Celsius ever day, today it was 42. The heat wave has arrived about three weeks ago and it is getting worse every day. Or maybe it is just us who cannot deal with it. On Thursday and Friday I almost passed out on the street due to lack of oxygen. Okay, it maybe had something to do with that I gave blood on Thursday - I was called up the previous morning, they needed my type of blood for a surgery. They say it is a rare type: B Rh -

I was like a lunatic after getting rid of almost 0.5 litre.
But the good side is that I got a paper which proves that it has been my 30th blood donation, so I do not have to pay "visit fee" which you normally pay for the doc or for the institution every time you go there (even if it is just a control check-up), and in case I needed to lay in a hospital, I do not have to pay the daily fee, which is the food, beddings and the basic nursing "services". Kewl.

Also, since I have this rare blood type (according to them) I volunteered to be a bone-marrow donor, in order to increase the survival chances of those who have the same blood type. Not sure tho that I will meet all the requirements. I was born with a liver disorder, which is basically that my old blood is being demolished slowly. In everyday life it does not mean any change, I just have to be careful with greasy food, I do not even have to take medication or such. But it is enough to defeat this aim of mine. We will see. I will be examined for it when I next time go and give blood again. In about 2-3 months if nothing happens.

It is good to know that others can also benefit from my body, not only me.

Looking back and inside

I have not put down too much about my life recently. I think it is because of two reasons.

One of the reasons is that I did not really have time for blogging. Summer Uni keeps me incredibly busy which means that I work 10 hours minimum daily (sometimes even more) plus working on the weekends too, both days. Since about the end of May I have been working every weekend as well, except for maybe one weekend when we held the annual birthday festival of His Holiness the 14. Dalai Lama.
This crazy period is expected to last for about three more weeks and after then I can relax a bit. I will have about 3-4 days to regain my strength and "recharge my batteries" before I leave for Japan in August. 4 more weeks to go. Huh, time is flying by really fast.

The other reason for not writing anything constructive is that I did not feel like. I feel that now I am at the stage of turning and watching into the "inside", kind of digesting things. Definitely a lot of things have happened around me lately but there are so many things that happened, I have so many thoughts about these, and my thoughts are evolving so quickly, that I simply think that it is unnecessary to keep expressing myself. Whenever I arrive to a "milestone" tho, I stop, look back and evaluate the journey that is behind me (and report what is to be reported :) ).

If you want to have a "report" for now, see how gracious I am, here you go :)

- No training for two weeks. The guys are in summer camp and after then I.R. is on holiday. D. needed help with preparing for his test so the two of us met a few times outside of the regular trainings as well and I helped him correcting his mistakes and checking if he new all the required stuff. He is the one with the movement coordination problem. Now I got an sms from him that he passed the 10 and 9 kyu tests. He sounded very happy - I am glad that I could help at least and the belt around my waist actually had some use.

- Finally 3 of us will go to Japan. I suspected that the number will significantly drop. I witnessed so many determined promises, like "Yes, I will definitely go, of course". And when it came to actually bringing the sacrifice for the aim, there were sudden immovable objects in the way. I understand it of course, as I have been there, too. But I realized that these huge objects will always show up. It is only your decision whether you can overcome them or not. Everything is only as important for one as much s/he wants.

- I've read a great book, The Path of the Bodhisattva, written by Shantideva. It is a brilliant book. It really makes you think about things, pulls you back to the ground and makes you go as soft as the butter. It gave me so much inspiration for practicing the Dharma, that when I finish work in the evening I can hardly wait to get home and sit down to practice, and when I go to sleep I can hardly wait for the dawn when I can wake up and continue with meditation again.
In the evening I do Shine (the practice of let' say, letting thoughts go) and recite Sangcho Monlam, which is an inspiration-prayer for developing the proper behavior, especially for those who took the Oath. It is all together about 30-40 minutes.
In the morning I wake up at 4.45 , after the "bathroom-project" I start at 5.00 with a "Tara meditation" which lasts for an hour and then I still have 10 minutes to dress up and leave for work (breakfast is in the office). So it is not a supportive schedule for workers but everything has a price. I wanna get out of this endless miserable wheel and also there is so much need to make yourself useful for others, so this little inconvenience is really worth it, it is beyond any question.

- Finally, Csabi is in Mongolia and he will return on Thursday. He sent a cool pic that I try to insert here. It looks like he really feels at home there :-) My savage horseman :-P

Life is fragile

I have recently found a great vid on the net about the importance of using the safety belt in the car. It won 8 prizes in Cannes.
Great video indeed, have a look here.

Peace again

A lot of things happened to me in the past one-two months and I do not feel the strength to describe everything in details, so here is a short report on some issues... more to come a bit later.

Summer University is going on with full speed which means that I work through the weekends as well as doing 2-3 hours overtime every other weekday. As the admin of the e-learning site I am really not bored - but at least the extra money I am going to get for the extra work during June will come at the best time for my Japan trip.

Csabi is leaving for three weeks in Mongolia in about a week and it turned out now that we still should buy a digital camera that he can take with him, and also to bring more money as the accommodation will be more expensive than they initially planned. So all these mean some extra expense so we had to touch my Yen again. Now I have hardly some Yen for my own trip but I will get all the extra money just before I leave in August, so I think I will be fine.

I am happy that Csabi can go for Mongolia and there not only to the capital, Ulanbataar, but also to a place that is believed to have been known as Shambala, a few thousand years ago. I am so sorry that I cannot go, but this is the price I have to pay for my trip to Japan. I asked him to bring me something from there that refers to the "Inner Path of the warriors".

By the way it seems that our issues are getting sorted out by nature, and our relationship looks good again (I wonder how long it will stay like this). I try not to take anything too seriously, neither the ups nor the downs. Especially not myself. I know that the problem lies somewhere in my restless mind, so I have to tame that if I want to be happy with anybody. It seems that I will never find anyone near as suitable for me as he is. I am glad when I manage to experience this satisfaction in connection with him and I try to remember it when the dark clouds cover my mind again.

In the past few months spiritual practice pulled back to the background of my everyday life, due to the stress and tight workload I think. But by now I realized that I need it as much as "the desert needs the rain" - my life is just a vegetation without it and I remain "hungry" for walking the path.
So l kind of returned to active practice again, and it brought such a peace for me. I believe that there is nothing more important in this life than being satisfied with what you have, helping others and not to regret anything when death comes. I saw a lot of death around me recently and it always makes me go thinking. In the light of evanescence everything that I have been so busy about in the past months seems so useless and insignificant. So I try to focus again on the more important things. (Maybe this is one of the reasons for the development in my relationship with hubby.)
I hope the success-story is not over yet ...

Pörgés százon (rollin' on 100%)

Sorry guys for not blogging so often and not really getting back to any of you recently, I have been extremely busy.

I have read about priorities recently on your blogs, and currently I am also dealing with such issues. In my case the priorities now are work and physical and mental health, so everything else comes only afterwards. Not that I am at the edge of nervous breakdown :-) It is just that I am very very (and even more) busy at work, as the annual overtime period has just started, so I spend all the remaining time (which is not too much) to recharge my batteries, which means that I tear myself out from work to get to training (when I can), if it is still not entirely dark when I get home I go for running to the forest and go for horseback riding on those weekends when I don't have to work.

Yesterday I worked like 10 hours overtime (which pays double as much as normal weekday workhours), so I decided that today I deserve a bit of fun in the form of horseback riding.

So I am off, be back in the evening and will try to make up with responding to all those emails that have been waiting in my mailbox so patiently since a few weeks ago.

Ciao!

"War" between Japan and Hungary

It seems that only one kind of warrior can stand the mud in front of the Japanese: the Hungarians :-)
And so far it seems that we ruuuule!
Although the tools are questionable - but I have heard somewhere: "in war and love everything is allowed" :-P
Considering this: I bow with respect for the Japanese "warriors" - they are a good example now of how to treat the opponent even if that uses "sneaky" tools.

Click here for more info:

• in Japanese
• in (clumsy auto-translated) English

Burning on both ends

I had a very busy weekend now.

On Saturday I attended a seminar in Veszprem, lead by L. who has just returned from Japan. He's A.C.'s student (let's put it this way) and showed some things he learned from A. and the Shihans in Japan.
I think I got what he meant to show as a principle but I saw a lot of inaccuracy in the techniques, in kamae, most of which would put you in a critical situation during a fight. Well, I got some good ideas that's true, but I take what I saw with a little grain of salt. Well, obviously all of us are still learning this art, we all have our own cross.
In the lunch break I. invited me to his to-be parents-in-law's house, so at least now I could have some nice home made lunch instead of some junk food in the city center.

After the seminar was over at 5 pm I. drove me to the bus station. I was lucky 'cos I managed to catch the 17.15 bus and was at home by 20.30.

For Sunday we had our regular horseback riding scheduled, so we had to wake up early, around 8 am (early for me cos I've been sleeping 5 hours in the past few weeks with no days off).
Anyway, already after waking up I felt that there was something wrong with me, but I wanted to go riding so much that I ignored the signs.
By the time Cs. and me arrived to Budapest I felt so weak that I was afraid that I will not be able to make this day. Anyway, after a nice Coffee a'la Vienna, some fresh orange juice and a hot mint tea we decided to continue.
We met E., my new colleague who joined us to Szentendre for riding. Heat of course, like in August. This was the last thing I needed.

After we arrived to the small wooden house in the middle of the forest, I gave the fruit that we brought to the host and his family, and took the other cotton bag with some apple and carrots for the horses. Then we climbed up along the tiny path leading out of the forest to the fields on the hill. Horses are nowhere on earth.
After a few hundred meters we found one horse which was tied to a bush but the others were still gone. Cs. hopped on the horse and had let it find the others while E, me and our host, Peter took another way hoping that if Cs. cannot find them maybe we will.
Finally Cs. found the stud so Peter run there to send them back to the horseback archery field. E. and me were told to go forward and we would meet them with the horses at the archery field. After walking some time I needed to find a "safe bush" to get rid of some fluids (thanks to the tea, coffee and orange juice I drank beforehand). I found a very good huge bush in the side of one of the hills and cowered. I almost finished when heard some very strange noise. I looked up and was a bit freaked out to see the stud heading straight towards me, Cs. on top of one and laughing hard and shouting "Bring it on, Eva!" I have never put my pants on as quickly as then. :-D

Anyway, we went back to the horseback archery field and while Cs. was practicing E. and me gave some apples and carrots to the other horses. Of course all of a sudden we became very popular among the horses, so we had to hide the rest of the fruit after a while.

When Cs. finished it was E.'s and my turn.
I got "Fighter", a horse with saddle, and E. got "Bratty" who had no saddle on. We went for a long walk up and down the hills. It was very strange but when I got on the horse my sickness almost completely vanished. Anyway we walked among the hills and bushes for about half an hour, then we changed horses. Now I got Bratty and E. got Fighter (hey, sounds like a swinger club! :-D ).
By the way it's a completely different feeling to ride without a saddle. If you cannot find the correct position it hurts both you and the horse. But you can feel the horse way more than with a saddle.
Anyway, we had also a half an hour walk back to the field. After we arrived and I got off the horse my pants were all wet, the horse was sweating so much. We gave them the last pieces of apples and carrots which they consumed in a glimpse and then we released them to go with the others.

After these we went back to the house in the forest where Cs. practiced some archery, and I laid down on the ground because I started feeling so weak again.
By the time Cs. finished I could hardly pull myself to the bus stop and the way back to home seemed to last for an eternity.
After arriving to home I had a bath and thrown myself down on a sofa.
I've been coughing through the whole night and produced a huge amount of dirty hankies by morning.

I did not go to work this morning, I was feeling so weak and bad, and even today I woke up at 12.15 noon. Had a little lunch and wrote this blog but now I crawl back to bed again before I faint on the keyboard. I need to go to work tomorrow, I do not want to waste one more holiday on laying in the sick-bed, like today.

"Best preparation make, best action do!"

Last weekend's seminar with P-san was very good. I risk saying: even better than last year. We did a lot of KKSDR henkas, also a lot of knife fight, bare hand plays and a tiny little bit of tieing.
On Saturday I practiced with K., the Iranian guy. Although he lacks the basics, he has the talent I think, at least after the first 1,5 hours he started getting the feeling and did some very nice improvisations. He really made me impressed.
On Sunday I paired up with another guy from DJH's groups. He is around 6th kyu I think but is very good. I. and me regularly visit D's trainings, once a month, and whenever I saw this guy working I saw that he was very tough and almost cruel. But this time he's been working sooo well and lightly that he also made me go "WOW!". I enjoyed every single minute of training with him. We surprised each-other with the most "sneaky" grabs and henkas, so it was a very-very cool training.

I managed to speak a bit to P-san about all sorts of things. We tried to figure out why noone else from Hungary other than people from D's groups (except for I., me and K.) have showed up. We talked a lot about one's responsibilities and expectations towards others and himself.

I also think I have learned something very important, which may deserve a bit more attention from the youth of Bujinkan: elder Buyus (like P-san or others) via their own example can teach us what we can expect when we grow old (if we will be lucky enough to grow old).

I saw that at some dojos people practice on a way which is good for a healthy, strong and young person. But things change when you grow old, even if you take care of your health as much as you can. Your body will not bear as much as it was able to when you were young (like spontaneous vertigo may come into the picture, you gradually start loosing muscles, etc) - all in all, the way you physically perceive your environment changes some ways. So it does not hurt to take into consideration this side of the coin as well and not to build your knowledge merely on the foundations of your youth. Count with physical- and health-decay. Sh. Sensei said very wisely: "Best preparation make, best action do."

These elder Budokas provide us with the unique opportunity to "foresee" what is going to happen as years will go by and thus help us finding the correct methods and direction in training (and in life) now, before it is too late. Via their own example they can teach us something that noone else on Earth can teach you and I think it should be much more appreciated than it is now.

Long-awaited weekend

Although this week has been a short one -as we did not have to work no Monday and Tuesday because of the Labour Day- I felt as if I have been working a full week.
I have been spinning at the uni like a a madman during the whole week.
We had electronic seminars this week which allocated a lot of extra work to me to cop with, given that I am the admin of the e-learning site of the Summer Uni.
Finally everything got completed on time (hard to believe) and I even managed to complete a thorough testing of the ETD (electronic theses and dissertations) user interface, which is even harder to believe.

The only thing that has remained for the weekend and I have to complete by Monday is creating an online (e-learning) course of how the staff should use the ETD software, which means creating screenshots, tutorials, descriptions etc.
Which does not sound like a big deal, but if I take into consideration that P-san is giving a full-weekend seminar in Budapest on Saturday and Sunday and I am supposed to attend it, which means that I have to leave from home at 6.00 am both days and never get back home before 7 or 8 pm - well then the whole weekend looks like a huge rush again.
I am so tired of this. I looked into the mirror today and I had to admit that I grew more than a year older since this time last year. A few months ago my eyes were all "baggy" from not getting enough sleep. By now they evolved to a "suitcase" level. By when the Summer Uni ends and my journey to Japan comes, I will reach again the "zombie" level. Now the Evanescence's music comes to my mind: "I'm going under"

Anyway, I am looking forward to P-san's seminar. I have not met him since a year ago, and curious what's up with him. He is a nice man but I think there are some people here who misuse his good faith. And I absolutely do not like it.

Horses and archery

Recently I started practicing horseback riding.
One of our friends lives at the countryside near to Budapest in a valley, called Anna-Valley. A simple and poor place - I mean there is no stone house, only a wooden pavilion where he lives with his wife and two kids. There is a beautiful spring with crystal clear water running behind the house. They have horses, goats and poultry.
The guy is a horseback archer, a practitioner of our ancient martial art.

I have always been interested in archery and have been doing it for several years now. Also, horseback riding has been one of my oldest wishes, I have been craving after it since my early childhood and had depressing dreams at nights about trying to get on a horse, but for some reason I was never able to do it. You know, it was one of those really depressing dreams about never being able to achieve what you desire so much.

When the guy mentioned what he was interested in, Cs. and me got excited (Cs. is archer too) and decided to learn horseback riding on a traditional way - which is different to how and what you can learn in the common riding-schools. I have already been to a few of those kinds trying to learn riding but I felt that they were so far away from nature that I simply could not accept that. Also, they do not teach you how to fall from the horse because they expect that if you ride the way it was taught, you will not fall. Which is far from truth.

So we went there in the past few weekends and practiced initially simply sitting on the horse without holding on to anything - which was a bit of a challenge at the side of the steep hills. Oh yes, forgot to mention that the horses are out at feed on the meadows all day, on the side of the hills, so if you want to go riding you first need to go and find them and then take one of them. Thanks to this kind of lifestyle these horses are very calm and balanced.

All in all, this was the first time when I really enjoyed horseback riding because the whole feeling was so natural. The horses are so close to you and you feel that you are equal. It is a community with the horse, the two of you become one.

Yesterday I was there again with a colleague of mine and if everything goes well and I can get rid of the work that I am supposed to do tomorrow, I will go again with Cs. and maybe with the same colleague.

And after then... who knows, maybe I will follow the others' example and combine my archery with this old Hun style of horseback riding and do horseback archery. Who knows.

As far as I know horseback archery remained preserved only in Japan and Korea, and was brought alive again in Hungary, although the style they do it is different in these countries. I saw some Japanese horseback archers' performance and I noticed that they shoot only one arrow with one ride. To me it does not seem to be too efficient in a battle. In the Hun style the more arrows you shoot the better it is. Hitting the target of course!

There is a man in Hungary, Lajos Kassai, who teaches horseback archery with traditional Hungarian bow. He has students from all over the world and he has some open days when visitors can come and see what they're doing, how they practice. This is their webpage: http://www.kassai-lovasijaszat.hu/

They have a very cool demo video about one of the open days - it is 26 minutes long but it definitely worths the wait/download (for me). You can get a hint of the Hungarian derring-do.
I really like the warm-up with the folk dance and also the exercises that are meant to develop your balancing on the horse (throwing heavy balls to each-other, sparring with soft sword, etc.) and also the game that they play around the end of the video, which I would call arrow-ball (after football).

The most spectacular part in the video is around the 12-13th minute, when Kassai (the one in traditional Hun armor) shoots at disks while riding a horse.
(I wonder when I will get near that level - maybe in 20 more years :))) )

Sooo... enjoy the video HERE!

It's been long

It's been long ago since I last time posted anything here.
I have been pretty busy recently, which means that I am under a very massive and demanding workload often working 10-12 hours a day.

Work issues

I work part time for the computer center as a coordinator, organizing all the computer education from alpha to omega for the students in the uni, and I do another part time work for the Summer University unit also within our uni where they utilize me as a webmistress and lately also as the admin of the e-learning project. The latter one gives me an incredible amount of work, more than I can actually do there in part time.

I was also informally offered a position at the IT unit of the university first as a project assistant and later on as a project manager - but lately I started receiving so many tasks to complete at the computer center, at the summer uni and also in the IT unit's projects that although I am good at multitasking, still, I am not able to manage all of them anymore. It is time to turn some of these down.

Since the summer uni girls also wanted to take me over to full time from September, I decided to accept that, but only if they stand guarantee for that I get at least that salary that I got until now.
So it seems that I am finally leaving the Computer Center where I have been working in the past 9 years (too much time). And also saying "no, thanks" to the IT unit.

The reason for why I rejected the project assistant position is also something additional that happened to me in the past one week.

Getting a degree

I was browsing the website of the Buddhist College where I was accepted to last year but was not able to start my studies, 'cos the classes of the course that I wanted to attend was scheduled for the weekdays which made the whole thing impossible for me to make. My employer did not let me attend the classes (obviously). Now I saw that from this year the same course (Comparative Religious History and Philosophy) is offered as an evening course and also that the application deadline was extended until the end of the month. They wrote on the webpage that the classes are being held on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, so I asked the Summer Uni if they could live with my absence on Fridays - and they agreed.
So I wrote a letter to the College asking if I was eligible to apply again (because I did not enroll to the college last year after my acceptance).
They called me on my mobile(!) saying that I do not have to apply again as I have been on "passive student status" since then, which means that I can start my studies in September if I want to and I do not have to take the entry exam again. Wooohoo!!
So I FINALLY FINALLLY go to college in September!! I cannot believe! After such a long time I am finally able to study further! I needed it so much!
Cs. also applied so now we have to keep our fingers crossed for him and have a good trust in that he can pass the entry exam successfully.

I would not be able to study if I went to the IT unit as a project assistant or manager, so although they offered almost twice as much money as I get now, I finally decided to reject that offer. Now education is the most important for me, and everything else can come only after that. I have no chance to get into foreign higher education institutions just yet because their tuition and other fees are not adjusted to a Hungarian citizen's purse. My only chance to get a first degree is being accepted at a uni/college here in Hungary and after then I can apply for scholarships for MA or PhD at some foreign uni.

This is my last chance I feel - I am getting older, it is more hard to study as time goes by, and who knows - if I ever happen to grow up and my restless mind calms down (not that it shows such a tendency now) and decide to have family and children (holy cow), I won't be able to study I know. At least not while living in Hungary. Here you either work or study. If you study, you cannot work, and you are - almost literally speaking - starving, together with your children. So I have to study before the cog-wheel catches me, too.

Theatre

I also mentioned in the previous entries that the theatre that I am a member of wanted me to play again in a tale. We finally had four rehearsals and then we did three performances each of which was a big success. I also got some extra money for that work and that was at the best possible time because I suddenly got short on money before the end of this month (my salary is paid monthly).
I am however a bit concerned about what I should say if they want to do the same performances on a somewhat regular basis. I always have to take days off in order to be able to make it those days on the stage, but I do not want to "waste" all my holidays on this. Also it requires a lot of energy and time to prepare for each rehearsal and performance, which is very difficult to afford beside a full time job plus regular overtimes plus training (plus studying from September). So probably soon I will have to put a full stop at the end of this theatre story as well. It is a pitty but I cannot sit on too many horses with one ass.

Long week, long weekend

Having a long weekend.
Yesterday Cs and me went to the Open-air Ethnic Museum in Szentendre, the Gem of the Danube.
There were thousands of visitors there visiting the programmes organized in the Museum upon Easter. See their website here. We've been walking there for about 6-7 hours before we went home.

Today I am not int he best mood. This is the first Easter in a long time that I did not paint eggs. I have been so busy in the past few weeks with all kinds of things that I did not have time even to die. This weekend I wanted to have some rest.
I have put myself together and added an entry about D's seminar that he held here in March. Read about that here.

Also, the injuries that I got during the seminars are being a great pain in the ass.
The wound on my calf seems to be infected so I had to go last week and see the doc at work who gave me an antibiotics gel. I have ben using it for like 4-5 days, but it is not getting better.
The other huge bruise on the same calf did not want to disappeare either and the doc suspected thrombosis. He gave me another gel to treat with and said that if it won't get better by Tuesday (tomorrow) I'll have to go to the surgery. As I noticed it is getting smaller now thank God, so probably I have just come through it. But I think I have to go to the surgery anyway because of the infected wound.

Also, the director of my former theatre called me that he wants me to play again in one of the tales he put on stage. I have to play the role of a "karate dog", a dragon and a whore again. (I still cannot understand how can a whore fit in a tale which is supposed to be seen by children.)
So this means rehearsals again starting from tomorrow every day when I do not have trainings. And standing on the stage for hours does not do any good to my feet among the current circumstances.

So I am not too happy - I want to rest a bit.
The only one good thing that I can think of at the moment is that I have the money and the planeticket to Japan in my drawer, so my trip is sure unless the thrombosis takes me away...

Weekend wedding

On Saturday Cs and me went to Hajduszoboszlo, to the wedding of Cs's long time friend. I offered long ago that if he ever gets married I will say some poems and now I had to fulfill my promise. But we were invited anyway.

I have bought a pair of casual shoes on Friday 'cos I did not have any. They were all comfy. However by the time we took the train in Budapest they completely tortured my feet, despite the sticking plasters I have put on.
After arriving to Hajduszoboszlo we had to find the guy's house alone but he drawn such a bad map that we got lost. We could make it to the house in one hour instead of 10 minutes, and needless to say my feet were bleeding from 1000 wounds.

Then we left for the wedding and the party. There were around 60 people invited.
The wedding was very nice and quick, I could also say the poems and they liked it very much.
The party afterwards was held at an original Hungarian style folk homestead. Mud-hut, Beehive-oven, all kinds of old stylish cultivator tools on the walls, old stylish dishes, cattle, horses, sheep, donkey, poultry on the huge backyard - so everything that you can find in the everyday life at the countryside. I felt home again.
The dinner had like 5 or 6 courses, like clear soup with home-made noodles and chicken, paprika-beef ragout with smashed potato, stuffed cabbage with sour cream, roasted duck with steamed vegetables, breaded mushroom with maionnaise and rice, and heaps and heaps of sweet and salty cookies, tarts, and other swets.
The drinks varied from plain mineral water through fruit juice, all sorts of wines, palinka, liqueurs.
The music started well with a folk ensemble, but after 10 pm they left and a party-musician came with his synthetizator (electric piano) and he played all kinds of folk and rock music. It suuucked big time.

Anyway, the general mood was quite good but I was not used to this late night partying, so I started to fall into coma around midnight. Then Cs. suggested to go to the backyard and play a bit with the bullwhips, hoping that it will wake me up. There were three whips and apart from the locals only Cs., me and a third person was able to swish it.
At the end I did it with two whips, one in each hand. Needless to say I got some kinky comments from the men :-)

Anyway, when we got tired enough we joined the party again, but I started to feel a bit annoyed 'cos one of the middle aged men stuck on me and despite me showing my clear unwillingness he did not want to shove off. He always tried to pull me to dance but I did not really want to go considering the condition of my feet. Then he learnt from somewhere that I graduated from a drama school and insisted on that I should sing for the people, which I did not want again, but he was very pushy and kept pushing it. So at the end I turned into "asshole" mode which luckily scared him away from me.

Anyway, since we were supposed to spend the night at the groom's parents' house, we had to stay there until everything finished. Which was sometime after 4 am. We got home by 4.30 and got into bed at 5 am. Then we had a full 4 hours to sleep cos we had to leave for the train which left after 11 am.

By the time we arrived to Budapest I could hardly walk, both my feet were plain "undiluted" pain.
When I arrived home I got rid of the shoes and since then did not put on anything so that my wounds can heal in. I was not able to go to work yesterday and today either, but I hope I can go tomorow.

I have never ever had to suck up this much just because of a new shoe.
I HATE female fashion shoes. :-(

KKSR Seminar with D

We had a seminar with D this weekend. It was of course about KKSR Ryu.
We took like 2-2 techniques from shoden, chuden and okuden levels and have been examining them and their different henkas.
These were basically, Kataho, Kubiwa,Yume Makura, Tobi Chiga, Tatsu Nami, Fusetsu, Kaeshi waza and there were a few more which's names I don't remember at the moment, but we were not bored.
We did lots and lots of henkas this time and what I really liked was that now we were given the freedom to "explore" the techniques for ourselves. I always learn more effectively when I am allowed to explore things alone.

D emphasized that although this year's theme is that of an "armored ryuha", it is now important for us with no armour on, to move by the principles of the ryuha but in the same time preserving our natural movement. So to adapt your movements to not wearing armour.
He also talked a bit about the history and the importance of the Densho.
He said although the teachings are available for "everyone", they are still hidden, because they do not write about the spiritual and psychological parts, and therefore the teachings cannot be understood if there is no proper background knowledge behind it.
This is the only thing that makes them secret - the secret is in you, in your own perception and not on the scrolls.

I enjoyed this seminar again and probably even more than the previous seminars - I don't know why. There were a lot of Croatian visitors this time - as I see more and more of them are coming each year, which I really like. I find it a bit awkward that we are learning from the same instructor and while we all are his students we do not know each other. It is time to open towards each-other.

Strange but on Sunday after the seminar finished I did not feel exhausted at all, neither physically nor mentally. It felt that it was still just the middle of the seminar and was a bit of a sudden to close it down so quickly. But probably it was just my feeling. So I enjoyed it very very much.
Unfortunately I got injured again (I am starting to think that there is some problem with how I train) - once a tanto run into my left calf, injuring only the skin but bruising the muscle badly. Also the same calf was bruised badly by continuous gedan blocks. Oh and not to mention that once the tsuka of a boken hit my chin and split it open a bit. Was bleeding badly but no serious injury was made there luckilly.
I am a walking disaster during seminars. (But the training in Japan was surprizingly safe :-) )

Anyhow, there is one more thing that I managed to conclude from this seminar: this year's theme is soo huge that probably 2-3 years would be needed to be able to cover everything that is written in the Densho.
It seems to be so hopeless to ever learn everything that is in the curriculum.

Dating

Yesterday I hade a "date" with Cs, he invited me to a teahouse - but it was me who chose the place. I suggested to go to the "Cave of the Green Turtle", which is run by one of the Hungarian ex- pop-stars, who btw wrote a song which's title was "Sad Samurai" (it is quite a moldy one if you ask me :-) ). He is also said to have tea houses with the same name in New York and Tokio. Maybe I'll drop by in August when I am in Japan :-)

Anyway, we had some special spicy tea, I had a bacon toast and Cs some chocolate cookies - and then we started to talk. About all sorts of emotional and spiritual issues that we have been going through recently. Although we get on very well and live well with each other, some serious issues are still not solved yet, even tho I tried to apply the good old "patience, time will solve it" method. But it seems that some things just do not work that way.
We still agree on that after I return from Japan and I get financially in balance again I need to go away for a little while which will be a sort of "retreat" for me, so that I can rearrange my thoughts and my feelings and see if I want to live in a relationship at all or if I want to live alone. Beside my need for an understanding and manly partner, I am quite a lone wolf too, which means that private sphere would be very important for me - it has always been. I need to disappeare from the world time to time for a longer or shorter period of time and to be alone.
I have always been like that.

This "retreat" will be a sort of mental rehabilitation for me, and I can also try out what single life is like. I have never lived alone - as soon as I finished highschool at 18, I left my parents' house and moved to Cs and his parents' house so that we can be together, as we lived a few hundred kilometers away from each other. Now I am turning into 32 in October. 14 years - too much.

I really think that in order to live a healthy life as an adult you need to be able to stand on your own feet without support. I have never had to do that and I think it is not healthy. I have to be able to survive alone too, and not only physically but emotinally too. And if it goes well, only then you can live a healthy life and have a healthy relationship.

The way things are now is everything but balanced and good, and I feel it is getrting worse and worse as years go by. I have already been thinking about jumping into the baby-project as well in order to "tame" myself, hoping that once the baby is there my attention will completely turn towards the baby, the family and my wanderer-mind chills down. But giving it more thoughts I am more and more afraid that even this would not help and I would just create a prison for myself, at the end of which the child would pull the shorter match. And also Cs. said - and I agree with him - that you cannot make a baby just to use him/her for your own interest, that is real selfishness and there will be no true love towards that living being. So I deeply agree that by having a baby I would probably just cause more problems for myself now.

I am hoping that this retreat will help me a lot and what I really want will lastly get revealed for myself too.

It is good that I can discuss things like this with Cs. and that he understands and lets me go away for a while. What is more - he encourages me to do this. You can very rarely find this attitude in your partner in a "general" relationship, because they usually take it as a sort of personal offense, or at least they think you have a problem with them. While the problem is usually inside (in one's self) and not outside (in the environment or people around you).

I am lucky to have a serious spiritual practicioner as a partner, because he can rise above his own interest and can see and accept when unconventional solutions are needed for a problem.

On happiness

"Happiness starts when you stop seeking your own happiness in order to try to make someone else happy."

His Holiness the XIV. Dalai Lama

Hot shots

I finally managed to upload some photos from my phone to my pc.
Here are a few good pics. Click them for a larger view.

Enjoy...

Hannya mask
I have brought it from Japan in August 2006.
I love evil looking things :-)





One of my training spots

This is the place in Budapest where I usually train on Saturdays, when the weather is good. I love when squirrels are jumping and running above me on the trees :-P

My nephew

This pic was taken by my sister when both my nephew and me fell asleep at grandma's house in Debrecen.

Spooky land
Another training place at the end of the field near where I live.
Sometimes I come here for a long walk or run when the weather is good - this pic was shot in december or January.
At the edge of the road next to the canes there is a little stream - I sometimes sit down there and watch the frogs, ducks and pheasants. Very peaceful place.

Blooming Winter
The same place, same season, a bit closer perspective :-)

Revival

This is the same place (and maybe the same bush :-) )
It was shot last weekend when I was there for a walk.

Bored? Partake in riots!

Yesterday I had to go to Budapest to visit mom. She asked me to dig up her garden.
Since it was an important national holiday and based on the October 23rd demonstrations there were severe riots expected for this day again, I decided to go early in the morning. The most serious riots in October happened late in the afternoons and during the nights.
Budapest was all silent yesterday and the streets were completely empty. I had no trouble on my way, and soon after my arrival to the other end of Budapest I changed to working clothes and started digging.

Mom has a small garden, like 180 sqr meters, and I had to dig up around 150 sqr meters. The soil was loose thanks to the rains last week, so it went fairly quickly. I finished in about 3 hours, because I also had to remove blocks of concrete from the garden.
She made fried chicken and pancakes until I was working and by the time I finished I really wanted that chicken to somehow fly into my stomach. So I exterminated the meat and the pancakes with no mercy. Hmm.. the lunch was yummy.
In the afternoon I chopped some wood so that she can heat in case of a cold weather, and I also had to move some old wardrobes and cupboards from the house to the shed in the other end of the garden. Shame on the men living next to her, none of them offered me any help - but I did not need help anyway, it was a good strength training. It's good to see that I am not a weak jelly.

Anyhow, after finishing the hard physical stuff I had to install some games on her computer and I also checked the news portals for news about what was going on in the downtown of Budapest, as I was supposed to go home from the railway station which is in the heart of the downtown.
I saw in the News on the TV that although the commemoration ceremonies went very well and peacefully in the city during the whole day, by around 6 p.m. some hooligans started riots again, just like in October. It was something expected.
So watching the news I tried to make up plans for the route back to reach the Railway Station without trouble.

I saw on the TV that the situation got worse in every half an hour so I thought that if I ever want to get home, I should not wait any longer. I left mom's house at 7 p.m. It took about half an hour by bus until I reached the tram which took me along the "Great Boulevard" in the heart of the city, at the end of which the Railway Station is located.
The tram however was stopped at Blaha square, which is an important interchange, because the police closed down the way further along towards the railway station because of the riots.
So in order to not get into trouble I decided to go back a few stops on the same tram line and take the metro which also stopped at the railway station. I got to the railway station in a few minutes, checked the next train and as I saw that I had about 20 minutes left till my train's departure I decided to find a shop open to get some drink. I found only a non-stop kiosk so I bought a Light Coke and decided to stand outside at the entrance of the station and take some fresh air until it'll be time to catch the train. Everything was very peaceful until that point.
Although there were crowds on the street, everyone was calm and in a good mood.

After like 2 minutes I noticed that a very solid crowd was streaming from the direction of that part of the Great Boulevard where my tram was previously stopped. These were mostly young people, a lot of bald guys with worked out body, wearing scarf and hood or ski mask, but I also saw some middle aged people, mainly men shouting and waving national flags.
To my greatest surprise I saw a lot of foreigners (mainly from the slav areas) on the streets and I have no idea what the heck they were doing there - the recent demonstrations were none of their business, so I guess they just wanted to have some fun and see something extraordinary happening.

Anyway, as I was standing there watching the crowd I suddenly heard sharp bangs and sounds like when small rockets or fireworks are launched. I saw some lightning things flying in the air and they released some smoke. It was tear gas shot by the police. I pulled back a little, just enough to cover my head with the roof of the building in case a grenade landed nearby but still close enough to see what was happening.
The crowd started running away while shouting some assorted swearings - seemingly the police was pushing them into our direction. Then the tear gas "rockets" stopped for a while (I did not feel the smell) and the crowd stopped again, but the hard core of the crowd was already in front of the railway station.
Then another wave of tear gas grenades came and it did not want to stop, so as I saw wilder and wilder demonstrators arriving from that direction, I suspected that the police unit should be very close, so I quickly turned around and took my way to catch my train, which was also due anyway.
I smoothly catched my train and arrived home.

I saw that after this night Hungary was again in the headlines of some of the main News Agencies, and it does not shed a good light on the country.
Not because of the demonstrations. Majority of the people want and can demonstrate normally, peacefully against all the things that happened in the Hungarian politics in the past 17 years. I even agree with their views.
But the violence caused by some hooligans who feel bored and theye have no better game than playing "riots" on a long weekend - it cannot and must not be tolerated, in my opinion.
And when the police takes the necessary steps, people shout dictatorship and oppression, just because they are not allwed to destruct or attack others (like throwing cobbles at the policemen) as they like.
I am personally very much agree with the police standing up against this wave of violence firmly at long last. This crazy violence simply serves channelling the tension by causing a lot of financial damage and endangering the lives of others.
It is very annoying that every single night like this costs like 30-50 million Forints for the city or for the country.

And I did not even talk about the moral loss that they cause for the country.

It used to be a very peaceful country, and Budapest was the moral and cultural elite of the whole country. Now this is the most problematic city. It is a spot of shame...
I wonder when will these immature football hoolingas grow out of this behaviour. I hope this "childern's illness" of the democracy in Hungary will not last for too long.