Thoughts and deeds
Yeah, I've been a slacker in the past two weeks - I did not post anything. Well there are times when you need to chew on things before you actually finalize them in your head. But probably you can never finalize anything - the way how you percept things usually changes by time. You don't get involved in them the same way after a few months/years.
Although there would be so many things to write about, but probably there is no point in doing it just yet. Later, maybe. Although I've put down some thoughts in the form of a poem. Things I can't discuss with anyone always end up as a poem. It helps me speaking my mind and expressing freely what exactly I think/feel - with whatever tool I want to do that.
Valentine's Day today. This is quite a new thingie in my country, we started taking it over when I entered secondary school so I would not say that it is "in my blood". The main thoughts of this day seem to be nice tho... 1) Lovers' Day - well, this day was very silent from this aspect. I like to be alone but not like now. Today it did hurt; 2) Day of the Protector of Firefighters - I don't know too much about this story, nor I found info on the net. Anyone could enlighten me, please? 3) The day of forgiving. I was told that on this day one can confess all the bad things/mistakes s/he made and the other person should forgive him/her. Is this true???
Okkkay, training time:
Kyu/shodan tests will be held this Saturday. I noticed that I'd been pretty tensed recently when it came to practising for the test. I guess I am nervous.
I am going for 4th kyu but to tell the truth I am not too confident about the success - and the downturn period I am recently in does not do any good to my healthy self-confidence (or to its lack actually).
The only one reason for why I go for it now is that I want to cut off the vicious circle I've generated in the near past by withdrawing from tests in the last minute, which then resulted in less and less certainity and self-confidence. Which then resulted in withdrawing again... and again .... and again .... Also, I was adviced to go on and on and on, even if there seems to be no hope. So I do that now because there is no hope that I can pass this one, but at least I keep walking.
I also noticed in the past few weeks that whenever a shodan/nidan came to me and to my partner while we had been practising and started correcting our mistakes and explaining things (without actually being asked to do so!), I got annoyed and completely blocked down, like having a blackout. And now during the past two trainings noone came to me to help but I had to realize for myself what I did wrong, and I noticed that I managed to get it done right at the end.
So I think it's not always good to be provided with the solution instantly on a silver tray, there are times when you have to find the problem for yourself and fix it.
Anyway, there is one more "official" training before the test on Saturday. Many things can happen until then. Even the whole world can change!
Although there would be so many things to write about, but probably there is no point in doing it just yet. Later, maybe. Although I've put down some thoughts in the form of a poem. Things I can't discuss with anyone always end up as a poem. It helps me speaking my mind and expressing freely what exactly I think/feel - with whatever tool I want to do that.
Valentine's Day today. This is quite a new thingie in my country, we started taking it over when I entered secondary school so I would not say that it is "in my blood". The main thoughts of this day seem to be nice tho... 1) Lovers' Day - well, this day was very silent from this aspect. I like to be alone but not like now. Today it did hurt; 2) Day of the Protector of Firefighters - I don't know too much about this story, nor I found info on the net. Anyone could enlighten me, please? 3) The day of forgiving. I was told that on this day one can confess all the bad things/mistakes s/he made and the other person should forgive him/her. Is this true???
Okkkay, training time:
Kyu/shodan tests will be held this Saturday. I noticed that I'd been pretty tensed recently when it came to practising for the test. I guess I am nervous.
I am going for 4th kyu but to tell the truth I am not too confident about the success - and the downturn period I am recently in does not do any good to my healthy self-confidence (or to its lack actually).
The only one reason for why I go for it now is that I want to cut off the vicious circle I've generated in the near past by withdrawing from tests in the last minute, which then resulted in less and less certainity and self-confidence. Which then resulted in withdrawing again... and again .... and again .... Also, I was adviced to go on and on and on, even if there seems to be no hope. So I do that now because there is no hope that I can pass this one, but at least I keep walking.
I also noticed in the past few weeks that whenever a shodan/nidan came to me and to my partner while we had been practising and started correcting our mistakes and explaining things (without actually being asked to do so!), I got annoyed and completely blocked down, like having a blackout. And now during the past two trainings noone came to me to help but I had to realize for myself what I did wrong, and I noticed that I managed to get it done right at the end.
So I think it's not always good to be provided with the solution instantly on a silver tray, there are times when you have to find the problem for yourself and fix it.
Anyway, there is one more "official" training before the test on Saturday. Many things can happen until then. Even the whole world can change!
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